The phone rings. I lift it to my ear.
"hello." it was Marcus. his baritone voice falters in the phone. drunk. again, "hello?"
"hey."
a pause. long. I begin to speak, he cuts me off. "hey, sorry, am i bothering you?" I reply no. across the couch my cat, Mugen, stretches and turns on his belly. I reach a palm out to pet him. "Can i ask you something?" Marcus asks. Unusual, as he almost always inquires about me whenever he calls. Mugen trots over my lap. he pushes against my phone before jumping down. He did always like Marcus. I reply yeah.
"I wanted to know," he begins. "...i was wondering..." I can hear the ice rattle in the glass in his hand. "I get that we're no longer romantically involved. I understand that it never worked out. But that night... Valentines day. when i came over and we watched movies all night long." his voice cracks "I guess - I mean... don't you ever think about us? Like, when we were intimate? I mean, it was valentines' day. I was alone, you were alone, i just thought it would be natural." a pause. then more confidently, "I just need some closure. I like you, and you like me" it was true "we're not in love - least no more." also true. "wasn't i fun? Am I not attractive? did we not enjoy each other once? I don't want to sound like a desperate x lover. And I tell myself over and over that we're done. that I don't want to be close to you. no offence. but, like, we're s'posed to be friends, right? just tell me that you don't lay awake at night on occasion and think of me carnally. that you don't even like me that i'm weird and awkward and a silly boy with too little pride and not enough ..." the flick of a light and a hiss of a cigarette. I can almost taste the buttery ash on his breath. "or tell me that you do still feel for me. in some small way. That your heart was torn. That we were too different. two different people. tell me something!"
I don't know what to say. I can't even think. "I..."
"Nevermind. I don't want to know." he exhales, "I think... I think if i didn't know then, I don't want to know now. it... perhaps its better this way. sorry to bother you." then "I hope you are well."
I wish I could say something. I wish I would. perhaps it's better this way. perhaps it's better this way.
"hello." it was Marcus. his baritone voice falters in the phone. drunk. again, "hello?"
"hey."
a pause. long. I begin to speak, he cuts me off. "hey, sorry, am i bothering you?" I reply no. across the couch my cat, Mugen, stretches and turns on his belly. I reach a palm out to pet him. "Can i ask you something?" Marcus asks. Unusual, as he almost always inquires about me whenever he calls. Mugen trots over my lap. he pushes against my phone before jumping down. He did always like Marcus. I reply yeah.
"I wanted to know," he begins. "...i was wondering..." I can hear the ice rattle in the glass in his hand. "I get that we're no longer romantically involved. I understand that it never worked out. But that night... Valentines day. when i came over and we watched movies all night long." his voice cracks "I guess - I mean... don't you ever think about us? Like, when we were intimate? I mean, it was valentines' day. I was alone, you were alone, i just thought it would be natural." a pause. then more confidently, "I just need some closure. I like you, and you like me" it was true "we're not in love - least no more." also true. "wasn't i fun? Am I not attractive? did we not enjoy each other once? I don't want to sound like a desperate x lover. And I tell myself over and over that we're done. that I don't want to be close to you. no offence. but, like, we're s'posed to be friends, right? just tell me that you don't lay awake at night on occasion and think of me carnally. that you don't even like me that i'm weird and awkward and a silly boy with too little pride and not enough ..." the flick of a light and a hiss of a cigarette. I can almost taste the buttery ash on his breath. "or tell me that you do still feel for me. in some small way. That your heart was torn. That we were too different. two different people. tell me something!"
I don't know what to say. I can't even think. "I..."
"Nevermind. I don't want to know." he exhales, "I think... I think if i didn't know then, I don't want to know now. it... perhaps its better this way. sorry to bother you." then "I hope you are well."
I wish I could say something. I wish I would. perhaps it's better this way. perhaps it's better this way.
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