these days

To start, I'd like to thank all the people who let me know that I am cared for.

Like a wayward vessel upon an unforgiving sea, I was tossed about. In my truculent turmoil, I may have mentioned, like a captain far gone on rum, feelings about my relationship(s) that, now in sobriety, I realize now to be ridiculous. But it reveals in me an underlining self doubt. Because of this overly-adventurous-June, my thoughts have dwelled on Ruby and Me much longer then normal. Ruby is far, far less shallow then i gave her credit for in my previous post. She loves me, I am sure, as much as I love her. And our love is no fickle thing. ( understand that is not how i felt in the moment). Ruby is a bundle of passion. She taught me the function of emotions likes I've never thought could be expressed. In her absence, well, like being lost in the southern hemisphere, I could not chart the stars above. 

I've thrown out (stowed, actually) those useless charts and struck out with renewed vigor. I rallied my remnant crew. we have faced a great ship-of-war and lost. We've been tossed around and dead-set with disease. Rickets and scurvy have sapped our spirits; yet, to travel on is a must. for that simple act to endure is to seek freedom. to continue on despite all opposition.

To survive is not enough. In this weekend i visited many friends. I bore witness to the lives these people, all brilliant and intelligent minds, had carved. Some seeking -something- they could not yet define. Others unable to dream greatly for burdens of surviving blinded them to potential. I can no longer be a part of the latter. I see know why, almost automatically, I worked. Because i did lose something: Ambition. My dream deferred (i hope i can use that term without sounding disingenuous) by my own hand. Yet, at the same actions I began (unconsciously) to alter my coarse.These strange waters in which i sail made have brought more than misfortune; they brought new, unexplored challenges. islands of unknown riches and people. New foes to share the thrill of piracy.

All adds to the color of my canvass.

Again, I must give special thanks to Jizzy (Jessica "Jizzy" Smith) for convincing me to seek out shipmates. Even now i see a light piercing the black horizon; star. Deneb. Hoist the sails, we make for the southern line. To every night a dawn.

I know it is cliche, but I feel it appropriate. After all, cliches gained notoriety for no insignificant reason.

-Marcus